Learning personal things about your employees

Submitted by Keith Heselton
in
Management and Leadership

Hello all,

Thanks for all that you do, and for the support that you give each other. I've learned a lot from the podcasts but sitll have questions.

I've been focusing on my O3s, and am using the O3 tracking form.

I've always been taught not to ask employees about spouses, children, pets, hobbies etc. Yet, I've also heard that the test of a good manager is knowing the names of your employee's children.

I'm a High-D, High-C, Low-S, Low-I, and people skills aren't my natural thing anyway.

I guess I'm looking for small pieces of advice and best practices.

Thank you in advance for your kind responses!

Keith

Submitted by Mike Tietel on Friday July 6th, 2012 4:39 pm

 Just ask in your next O3.
Can you tell I'm also a high-D, high-C?  ;-)
"Hey, I've been remiss.  We spend a lot of time together and your time away from work is important, too.  Are you married or have a significant other? What's his/her name?  What does s/he do for a living? What do you like to do in your spare time? Any kids?  How old and what are their names? What are their interests?"
Then write down the answers so you don't forget.  And refer back to your notes so you can ask follow-up questions at subsequent O3s.  For example:
"How did Grace like summer camp last week?" or "Do you and Bill have anything planned for the holiday weekend?"

Submitted by Keith Heselton on Tuesday July 10th, 2012 8:50 am

That's a great response. I appreciate the help, and have already started doing this. So far the results have been great, I did have one give me pushback, 'that's personal.' I indicated that they definitely didn't need to share items with me, but that if they would like to I would appreciate the chance to get to know what and who is important to them.

Submitted by Mike Tietel on Tuesday July 10th, 2012 1:08 pm

Sounds like it's going well.  Some folks just don't want to share stuff about their personal life and you handled their pushback appropriately.  Maybe someday they will share.
Glad I could help!

Submitted by Anne Williams on Tuesday August 7th, 2012 7:19 am

My manager that's a high C/D does this - however he makes it really obvious he's only asking about your personal life because it is the first few minutes of your 1:1 and it's on his to-do list! (a couple of peers of mine have commented on it so it's not just me - because they feel it's just a box ticking exercise they are not too willing to share, so it's not really building any trust).
So if you want it to be effective, you may need to note the details perhaps after the 1:1 has finished and your direct has left the room (so that it's not too obvious that you need a prompt).
Also perhaps ask after your direct's personal life in non 1:1 situations (obviously ensuring it's appropriate - i.e. not in front of a full departmental meeting)